Billy Anderson on stretch marks – Dry Bar Comedy

Billy Anderson on stretch marks – Dry Bar Comedy


I weighed myself this morning. It is official. I’ve lost over 110 pounds in the last two years. (Applause) You guys are so supportive. It’s like a crowd full of my mom out there. I like this. Like, “We believe in you Billy you can do it! Could have not got fat in the first place, but we still love you! Could have just stayed the way I made you. But you know what? That’s fine! It takes some people longer and that’s okay for you.” I was a big guy. I gained it quick over like one chubby summer. So I have stretch marks. As a man, that is not a good look. Do we have any other men out there with stretch marks that want to admit to it? Anybody? How funny that they never do? How funny….I see their eyes. I’m not going to call them out by name. But their eyes say to me.. they go, “Move Along!” Stretch marks: they’re just scars. They’re just scars that you get emotional and physical. Really sort of an emotional scar manifested physically. But they’re not cool scars. If you told somebody, “Yeah I’m all scarred up.” They’d be like, “You must be a pretty cool fella.” Not with stretch marks. I’m not going to take my shirt off and be like, “Yeah, this is when I did three tours in Afghanistan. Saved a child from being shot by a terrorist point-blank range.” No. This is just me going like, “Yeah, this is when they released Mountain Dew Code Red smoothies.” Yeah it was a rough week for my people to be honest. You guys have no idea how embarrassing it is to be a full grown man with stretch marks and no baby to show for it. It’s a rough life. It’s a rough life. Because if you’re a lady and you have stretch marks maybe you brought life into this world. That’s beautiful! That is a miracle! I’m a man with stretch marks. All that means is that I ate quicker than my skin could keep up with. The only thing miraculous about that is that women ever date me. That’s the only thing. I do. It comes with a little bit of loose skin too. People don’t tell you about that. You think like, “Man, I’m going to lose this weight and I’ll be gorgeous.” No. No. Life doesn’t work that way. I kind of look like if you shaved a flying squirrel and left him on the side of the road. Like not a full flying squirrel. Just like..I feel like if you threw me off a building I’d float for a minute before I fell. And they’d be like, “He’s so brave doing that with a shirt off!” Like if we were cuddling up on the couch watching a movie, you’d just be like, “And now I’m warmer.”

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Comments

  1. He does realise women that haven’t given birth have stretch marks too, right? I’m literally a teenager and I have a shit ton! And I get it, I’m not “supposed” to, but frankly I have more important stuff to worry about, sooo…

  2. I grew to LOVE my stretchmarks! I made FOUR humans. That's my badge of honour.
    I know women who feel how this guy does, and fellas and ladies, everyone has their thing, no one is perfect that's why we all are!

  3. At the age of 13, I got my first weight set. We had just moved to a new town, and I had nothing else to do. So, I ended up with stretch marks all over my chest and arms.

  4. I mean, I'm 15, skinny as a stick, (like 110 pounds and 5'8 skinny) but I have stretch marks on my thighs from growing too fast. They've never bothered me. Own them, they're like tiger or war stripes. Be proud of your own body, show off those scars, regardless of how you got them because they prove you've lived. You may have done some dumb things that end up in you being permanently marked, but they make you living, breathing proof that you survived.

  5. I had a growth spurt when I was about 12 and I had stretch marks on my hips…I grew a foot in just over a year, by the time I was 14, I was 5' 11". The same height I am today…Aren't you glad I shared?

  6. I’ve dated quite a few dudes with stretch marks from growing too quickly. Anyone who has grown (so everyone) could have stretch marks.

  7. yo but I know a ton of dudes with stretchmarks from working out, never talked to them because they scare me but I've seen them, I know of them

  8. All my stretch marks are on my legs, some on my butt, and a little on my hips and boobs…

    … that probably makes me sound like I got mad curves, right? Wrong. Not many actual “curves” to speak of, I was just chubby for awhile

  9. Lots of men and women get stretch marks during puberty when they grow or fill out really quickly. I have stretch marks all over and I'm 18 so 😂

  10. I actually got stretch marks on my calf after I joined cross country, so mussel growth can also cause it.

  11. My husband has them. He is an athletic build, now, but had several “chubby summers” when he was a teen .

    They may not be sexy (on either gender) but they show you are human and makes walking around naked easier if you both have them 🙂

  12. I'm 13 and I have stretch marks on my thighs because I went from skinny mini to "wow I have thighs now!"

  13. Girls get stretch marks just from going through puberty, or if you're like me and ALSO eat faster than your skin can keep up with. Stretch marks aren't just for pregnancy

  14. My stretch marks look like tiger stripes. I don't know about you, but that's freakin' AWESOME! I have natural tiger stripes!

  15. My husband has stretch marks on his thighs from growing so fast as a teenager. He hates them and I think they're cute.

  16. I got one strech mark from doing something stupid. I broke my tailbone on a banana slip and slide trying to prove the boys wrong that I could do it too. Gain weight because I couldn't do much for almost a year. Yeah, no bragging there.

  17. I've had stretch marks since I can remember. I grew really quickly as a kid. I know a lot of people freak out about them when they get pregnant, but I already had them, I've accepted my fate early. My husband also has them on his arms. Most people do, they are a part of life.

  18. I have stretch marks from weight gain and breast growth. I can’t tell if I’ve lost weight or gained it, haven’t weighed myself in six months

  19. Wow, I admire him. I want to know how he did it, what's his motivations…cause honestly I'd rather have stretch marks and flappy skin than being fat and unhealthy like I do now (but I don't have time, money, and energy to try those fancy programs, so spamming me is unnecessary). My best friend had lost 14 kg in 3-4 months by keto diet, tho, so maybe I'll follow her steps.
    He's looking good and he's really funny! Salute! 😂

  20. Usually, stretch marks are known as "the badge of courage". Congrats on the weight loss…that is courageous as well. I've got the lovely "abdominal apron" from a rapid 40 lb weight loss. Skin likes to just hang out now.😒😣

  21. Pretty much any guy I’ve been with had stretch marks somewhere lol. From super thin to heavy set, and other body types in between.
    Women don’t only get stretch marks from pregnancy or weight gain either lol, we get stretch marks just from going through puberty, even super thin women. Pretty much all humans have them, and no one should be ashamed or feel lesser than for it💕

    I like some of this guy’s other jokes, but this one was just 🙃

  22. I'm a man and I have stretch marks but they on my arms because how much they grew and how quickly and it stretched the skin out

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