Doc Vader on VIP Medicine | ZDoggMD.com

Doc Vader on VIP Medicine | ZDoggMD.com


What’s up everybody,
it’s your boy Doc Vader. So many of the Padawans
message me complaints about everything that’s
wrong in healthcare. And it turns out VIP Medicine
is #1 badness. Everybody’s pissed off. They send real stories. Let’s go through them because it will make you go wow. #1, I had a VIP once who brought their own rug into the room so their feet would not touch the floor. Now that’s actually a
very enlightened person because if you know what are
on those hospital floors, I would bring my own damn
rug, let me tell you. But it would be from Ikea, not from one of those weird Persian vendors who attempts to haggle with you, and you end up spending still $40,000 on a “Persian” rug, which was
really made in Persia, Mexico, which is a little known Baja Peninsula… Also, it might be racist, but I’m just pretty much
assuming this VIP is Asian. Are we all getting an Asian vibe here? Like take your shoes off kind of thing. It’s not racist if it’s true people. Number next, food was
cooked and prepared bedside hibachi style for colon
and rectal patients. Now that’s a scene. You go in the room, you’re NPO, yet there’s a shrimp
flying through the air. It hits you right in the face. Right in the craw. Have to call a rapid response because of shrimp aspiration. And then this guy’s making
an onion volcano over here. They are artists, I’ll give them that. Paging Dr. Hana, Dr. Beni Hana to Room 12, VIP. At John’s Hopkins, a fully dressed butler comes to serve afternoon
tea on their VIP floor. The butler however was shot full of bullet holes from getting to Hopkins because it’s in the (beep) ghetto. I mean I’m just saying. The contrast, talk about, you know, the wealth disparity. Full of holes, spewing delicious tea into rich Arab people’s mouths. Because most of them are Arabs, they take up the whole floor. They come in, they’re like
I’m gonna get a liver. (Ululating) Whole floor. Is that racist? We’ll cut it out. You know it used to be that employees were considered VIPs, now it’s only for people who
donate (beep) loads of money. You know what happened? Actually, that’s the best thing
that happened to employees because we all know that
VIPs get the worst treatment. They’re not treated like normal people, they’re treated worse. Less stuff is done, they’re cowtowed to. In fact here’s a story, one patient actually
had his father dictate which antibiotic to use. Let me guess Stupidacillin? Dumbf**kamicin? One VIP asked that I never wear pants, only skirts, and the CEO asked me to do it because he was “big money.” You know the best part? That was a male nurse. (tad dum CHING) Number next, we had a white VIP request only black staff, and the unit complied. Whoa. Like the first time ever, you walk into the lounge and go, okay black employees, we have a white VIP and
they have a request. They employees are like
okay I needed a day off. No come back here, they want YOU ONLY. And they’re like whatchu talking ’bout Vader? Is that Ebonics? Is that racist? There are many lessons here, okay, about VIP medicine. First of all you’ll die getting it because you’ll get substandard care. Second of all, it creates moral injury in the people having to treat
human beings differently based on their income, and their calling is to heal others. Okay that’s #DarkSide4Lyfe. And number three, I’m realizing Vader is living so un-phat. These VIPs are living it up, and I’m thinking about
buying a Honda Civic and living out of it. That’s a slight difference
in equity there. But you know I’m down. The Civic is a very reliable, reliable house when required. It’s a tiny home. I’m down with the millennials. An actual patient story, and I won’t violate HIPAA. I’m hanging out with my friend, he’s the founder of Chipotle, Steven… Chipotle, and he’s got a bowel obstruction, needs to be seen in the hospital. We take him in, I say listen Steven, when they find out you’re
heir to the Chipotle fortune, they are going to treat you differently, and it is not gonna be a good thing. They’re going to kiss your buttocks. They’re not gonna do the rectal exam. You’re not gonna get your vitals checked. And you are gonna die, just like all those people
you killed with E. Coli with your burritos. And so don’t tell them you’re famous. Don’t tell them you’re Steven Chipotle. And just say what, no relation. And so what happens? He’s sick, he goes in, he gets great care. And then one of his sisters comes in, and the nurse is there treating
him like any other patient, which means she’s understaffed and hasn’t responded to
his call light in a month. And she goes, do you know who this is? This is Steven Chipotle
of the burrito bowl fame, and you better respect. And you know what happens,
the hospital figures it out. The CEO calls a code red. Fly in, it’s actually a code mauve when a VIP has been discovered and is not known to be a VIP. The helicopter flies in. The butler hangs the abnormal saline. Nobody checks his vitals. And the next thing you
know he’s absolutely dead. Not a single bit of
this actually happened, but if it did it would totally
not be a HIPAA violation, but rather an informative
and educational story. And this has been Doc
Vader on VIP Medicine. Okay one last piece of wisdom. You can get a used Civic for 1800 bucks. Now you may think why do I need that? Listen, I’m telling you right now you better save up $1800 and keep it under a mattress somewhere that nobody knows where it is because at any point you may need to buy a used Civic and live out of it. This has been Doc Vader on VIP Medicine.

About the author

Comments

  1. TOTALLY believable story. The family member that did nothing to actually build a business, has no people skills, has lived off others for years…

  2. Vader apparently has a bad case of Torticollis this morning! {That "life-sustaining" plastic helmet of yours is a bit sideways today, Darth…NICE!} Maybe a nice heating pad might help? Or, as a "VIP" ER Doc, maybe one of the ER nurses can massage that neck of yours with lidocaine cream…and lanolin!

  3. When I worked in the hospitals, I always found it ironic when a rich person would die of rectal cancer.

  4. Doc V…. I have an issue with healthcare providers that don't call you to cancel procedures… Or re schedule…

  5. Back when I worked the bench as a lab tech I received a phone call late one night from a charge nurse. She asked if we were working up a culture from the day before because she couldn't see any further workup in the system. We get that question a lot, so it wasn't a big deal. I looked it up and explained that the antigen screen was negative and we don't plate negative screens on adults. She said, "Ok, it's just he is one of our doctors you know, so I just wanted to make sure we were doing everything we can for him." I replied, "Oh, my apologizes. I assumed we were doing everything we can simply because he's a patient under our care." The amount of back-peddling and stuttering from the other end of the line had me smiling the rest of the night. 🙂

  6. Hey Doc Vader, did you ever think that the sister wanted Steven to get VIP Treatment because she wanted the Burrito Billions?

    That's real #DarkSide4Lyfe

  7. Don't mock the the Civics livability yo. I lived in a single cab pick up for three mos and a seat that reclines is livin' large.

  8. Doc Vader . I am an Arabian . But the VIP medicine. Is full of Bullshit tbh . This VIP features are just a bad bitch . Medical field shouldn't give a shit about the income of the People conditions .

  9. A certain distant cousin of some bigwig from the middle East came in for a cataract surgery. Regular pts – 3 hrs between walking in the door, paperwork, ward, prep, 10 min surgery, recovery, and bye. Not this lady. Entourage of 50 peeps, took over half the pre/post op area, and 3 hrs? No. 12 f&(king hours. Not to mention taking up half the parking lot with black SUVs.

  10. Damn Vader, you need to get a storm trooper clean that helmet STAT.
    The Empire WILL NOT tolerate unprofessional attire!

  11. thanks for the humor because i needed it. hell, that's why i watch, because i need humor and hip-hop. keep it up, dear Dr. Damania!

  12. The VA hospitals don’t give VIP treatment. Their care level is an equal crapshoot for all patients. 💉💊🌡🧪🔬 🤷🏼‍♀️

  13. I worked at Hopkins and transferred a patient to that VIP floor. The nurses wear waitress like badges (in addition to their ID's) and look well rested. Not lying about being in the ghetto though.

  14. Only 381 likes (and four dislikes – obviously trolls on Putin's payroll)?! ZDoggMD should be required viewing for all medical caregivers. I think we are a few million likes short here…

  15. OK so it was published just a day ago, maybe I'm pushing too hard. We should definitely see a few million likes by next weekend tho.

  16. I am an American who was living in the UK and I had American health insurance since I was told the NHS wouldn’t cover me (it did actually). I need stomach surgery and ended up in a private hospital that treated mostly VIPs and diplomats. During the day it was one nurse for 6 patients and at night one to eight. The nurses were rested and not run off their feet. I wish all nurses could have those sorts of ratios. The thing that blew my mind was that since I was on a purée menu was that I always had 15 options, the ability to request foods be added (with doctor approval), and a 24 hour chef. It was very strange to me.

  17. How to pay off student loans. Step no. 1 buy a used civic. Step number next… live out of it 🤣😂 you're teaching the padawans so much. Glad I never saw the hibachi in general surgery!

  18. As an RN, all my patients receive the highest quality of care that I can deliver, regardless of economic status.

  19. It's literally not possible for me to hear a grown man in a Darth Vader mask say the words, "It's ya boi, Doc Vader" and not crack the fuck up.

  20. Had a VIP in my OR once. Director came in to co-circulate. Good thing it was co…. she didn’t even know how to plug the bovie in. She was in my way the whole case.

  21. True story: Hospital board member came in to ER because she vomited twice. Triaged, then back to lobby. The fU&*(&ing CEO of the hospital told the Triage nurse the next day that she should have bumped the board member's ESI so she was seen faster. Absolutely, that's what emergency medicine is about. I'll see this "important" person first, and leave the guy in new-onset A-fib in the lobby. If the CEO had told me that I'd have lost my job because I'd have slapped him in the face with my magnum dong. I don't care what you do for a living, or how rich you are, unless you just cured cancer or singlehandedly saved the earth from alien invasion, then you're not f&*($ing important.

  22. But Doc Vader, YOU are a Black doctor, you know that right ? Sorry is it Doctor of color ?
    "Nobody ever told you the power of the colored side"

  23. …this one time, at the "clinic" (you know which one) had a whole floor that was "rented out" for a patient to have his cardio-thoracic surgery, and then do his entire cardiac rehab program. it was around an 8 week program, all said and done. this was on an "acute" hospital floor in the 90s. the VIP had all the hospital furniture and equipment moved out, and had his own team or decorators and therapists bring in brand new furnishings and equipment. also, his entire team was hand-selected by the VIP from EVS to lab to nurses and physicans. you had to have a special badge to even get access to the that floor. i had never seen anything like it before or after that!

  24. I had to move a patient out of a room because the VIP wanted it. 😒
    They are served on china, have high thread count sheets and towels, a robe, and slippers. Plus they put a loveseat in the room.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *