*Wapish* TOP OF THE MORNING TO YA, LADDIES! MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE! and welcome to Japan Hit man is going on a vacation this time This is the final episode in the new Hitman game. All the ones I’ve been doing so far have just been singular episodes that they’ve been re-releasing periodically and this is the last one. This is the finale of the entire Hitman season for this game so I’m excited for it! I’m excited to see what’s gonna happen in this one, and what kind of weapons and everything. Because we’re in Japan, and because I’m in, like, a kimono and everything already, I’m hoping that I can get like, a katana. (Jack): O-kay… So, is that a hint that everybody’s… outfits are the key to get into their suites? Okay, very good. Let’s go out here and take a looksie. (surprised gasp) (whispers) It’s so pretty… Aww, there’s, like, little lanterns! The candle lanterns! Oh, this is gorgeous! Can we just go on holiday? Do I– FIREWORKS!!!! I don’t wanna kill anybody this time. Can I just stay here on holiday? And relax? And drink some ginseng tea? Please? No? Fine… I’ll go kill everybody if I have to. I should do an episode of one of these as well where I–
(eagle caws as Jack talks) Ooh, eagle…. Where I go kill everybody, as like (small laugh) as BRUTALLY as I possibly can. Just go in with a fuckin’ shotgun everywhere. I don’t know how you turn on YOUR TVs at home, but me? I like to slap the screen. (chuckles) Get- get on, TV! Get out– get outta here, TV! Ya crazy… Okay. Hello? (broken Japanese) KO-NI-CHI-WA? Is that– is that good Japanese? I need to… brush up my Japanese. Yo, wassap, man? How’s it goin? He- nobody looks happy! What is this place? Are you experimenting on me? Where’s my kidneys? I can go in here? Okay, thank you. I mean, yes. Bow. Hi. Sir. How’s it going? Morning. This place is NICE! I would actually love to go to a place like this in real life. Just a resort, up in the mountains. ‘Cause it looks like it’s REALLY cold outside, but in here, it looks all nice and toasty, cozy. I love that kind of shit! And I love the snow and everything and… I gonna– SUSHI! OOOOOHHH– 400 California rolls, please! (Male worker): “That robe looks comfortable.” (Confused Jack): Thanks. Th–the–isn’t everybody wearing them? Why am–? Okay, you’re all wearing white ones. Why am I in the one with the spotted dick one? Can I– can I have sushi? I wanna see– Ohh, private dinner! Okay, sorry. Lovely day, isn’t it? Yeah. Just you, me, the cherry blossoms in the background. How about you and I go get a drink? Fine… I know when I’m not wanted. How about you, miss? How about you and 47 make… an equation? Huh? You be 26, I’ll be 47, we get together and make 60? (woman ignores Jack and walks away) Damn… She saw right through my terrible math. (giggles) You guys still bowing!? (giggles) I walked in, like, ten minutes ago! Okay, see ya later! (laughs) Right, I have to figure out what the hell I’m supposed to be doing. Ah- God, I almost felt the chill on me bones already. Ah, it’s less warm out here! Jesus Christ. Lady! Go put some clothes on! You’ll catch your death! Okay, I- I honestly have NO idea what I’m supposed to be doing in here. In like- in this place. Apparently, this is a hospital. I mean… it doesn’t look like a hospital. It’s fucking gorgeous, though! This is my favourite looking level so far. Wow… It’s so nice! Now they don’t even have people at the door telling me that I can’t go in! It’s just a red hand saying, “NO”. Jason Portman… Natalie’s brother! Ok. Oh yeah, I should use this so I actually know who I have to kill! No one, apparently. Where’s the red outline!? Where’s the person I have to kill!? And where’s Jason Portman!? Are you Jason Portman? Stop lookin’ at that lady mop! She has a job to do! ON-SEN Hot spring Oooooooooooh! Ca– YES! Can I get my butthole cleansed? EVERYBODY’S IN THE NIP! THEY’RE ALL NAKED! Cov–AVERT YER EYES God, there’s so many booties around! Awww this looks nice! Ooh, intel! Yoga schedule. Oh I could get my fuckin’ downward dog on! Diana: Well, it certainly appears that Yuki Yamazaki is a fan of yoga. A schedule near the hot springs reveals- Jack (Confused): Yes, Yuki Yamazaki, that guy. Okay, I’m tracking. Diana: …that she has the booked the trainer all day. Feeling flexible 47? Always Diana. Haven’t you seen my sun salutation? *laugh* The best. Stop stretching out here! Go inside Oooooo red outline! That’s who I have to kill “Clear out the yoga area” Okay Imma go drop a duce first Where– wh– Is that the yoga area out there? Okay. There sumthin’ in there. Missing– Disposable scrambler DIANA! Why’d you guys send me in here when ya don’t gimme all the stuff I need! OOOOOoooohhh… I found the room I like!! Sup fellers! Hu ha! Just three dudes… Hangin’ out Dicks wavin’ all about Thas wu- thats what its all about! Right dudes? Kay… Makin’ me feel… Ashamed of myself. Fine. I’m gonna leave I don’t wanna look at your… hot sweaty… naked bodies anymore anyway! Oh, hi! You’ll do! *Man in the robe* “Hey, who are you? Oh God he’s–
*Man in the robe* “I haven’t seen you before…” He’s suspicious! How would you be suspicious of me? Of course you haven’t seen me before Theres a lot of people come and go in this hospital! Mother fucker he’s on to me! Get out! AH! I can’t go that way! Get out! oooOOOOOooooh!! Coooool! Is this– My, like, escape for when I finish the mission? Dude this is awesome! AAAAHHHHHHHHH-HI Sorry- a- am I not supposed to be here? But it looks so enticing! I thought there was no– You should really put a guard up HERE Leave me ALONE I JUSTA LIL BOI! Okay, I need to kill one of them I need to become a GUARD. That’s how I’m gonna get around this place- But theres TWO of them! Pick up a soda can. Fuck the environment HEUH! HA HA! Distracted, are we? I’ma run dis way I wasn’t found tresspassing! Shut up, that’s why! I’m gone! I’m gone! Oh like a whisp in the night! Uh oh Ou hu DON’T SHOOT! Am I okay? They’re not shootin’ I think I’m good- AHHHHHAHA MY ASS No amount of downward dogs is gonna fix that Ah, balls I don’t know where to go I don’t know where to go There’s too many ways to go I think I’m good Oh now I’m really cold though OHO Are they following me? They better not be Can I…? What’s the point of this place? Why am I even able to go up here? Oooh they’re comin’ Uh oh Uh oh I need- Oooh yes Hello Sir, How would you like to meet my friend Señior- Why can’t I- Señior Scissors! HAH! Right in your face! Okay, I got him! Hahah! Yes! Wapoosh! One man dead That’s all I need Umm… Right, let’s- let’s bring you over here Sir, COOPERATE! Even in death you defy me Can I throw him over the edge? There we go! [laughing] Dum dee dum dee dum! [giggle] I don’t think people can actually go over here Nice! Aww Looking at it makes me feel all cold I don’t like being cold Am I able to go in here? Why? Do I actually have to get something for this? Oh man, that’s gon’ be difficult Hopefully these guards don’t know who I am now Yeah, you know your friend Rick that was next to you all day? Yeah, I’m him now Ni-Nice to see ya Thaaat fucker knows who I am I got this outfit cause I thought, “Oh hey! It’ll give me access to shit now,” but nope Who are you? You have a- You have a hobblely leg It means you’re important I can kill you right now, bro You’re luckily I- You’re lucky I’m not a psychopath *whispering* I could be if I wanted to *chuckle* Are you important? Cause I could have killed you easily here but- I don’t know where to hide your body Nowhere, everything is made of glass! Ooooh, now I can Now I can kill you real nice! OHHH the yoga instructor! Of course! I look just like him! Dude, PERFECT! I’ma drag yo ass in here Ehhh, one way mirror right? *nervous chuckle* Or two way mirror not one way mirror What am I talking about? One way window, two way mirror Yes, okay they can’t see me HAHA! Idiots! Look at them all in there! DOWN ON THE GROUND! DOWN ON THE GROUND! They never suspect a thing Okay I have to equip my scissors This is fun! I like this level! Heeey everyone! We’re gonna do some yoga! Okay? So everybody pay attention! You have to unlock your chi Everybody has to feel like They’re one with the world Feel transcen- CINDY! GET TRANSCENDENTAL BITCH! She’s not listening to me Dude I’m feeling zen as FUCK right now It still doesn’t help me I need to find a disposable scrambler To be able to get into all the doors I was like , “Oh that’s probably a hint!” ‘Cause my guy had a chip in his robe That let him get in and out of stuff I thought everybody else would have them as well *surprised* What’s down here? Am I allowed to be here? This place- Oh wait I was here already This place is faancy *whispering* What is going on? Oh it’s the cable car thing Whoa, look all the way over there I would not be comfortable sitting in that *discomfort* Ohhohu I can go into this one Access granted Laundry Oh woopdie fuck *sarcastically* So glad I was able to get into the laundry room Oh cool look, washing machines *singing* Washing machines live longer with Calgone! I don’t even know anymore Hi! Sorry God even when you run into somebody they’re like “HEY! I’m suspicious of you!” WHO ARE YOU? GET OUT OF HERE! I just wanna wash me undies, okay? Now I’m back in the place I was before I don’t know what’s happening! Okay. That’s the person I need to kill. Okay, okay let’s talk Dude I’m all over it! Escort Yuki- *clears throat* You’ll have to excuse me Yuki, I was suckin’ a bag of dicks earlier Uhm They’re very tasty though So, yeah, let’s yoga it up Some guy: Heyy there What? *imitates voice* Eyy there *laughs* Calm down dude Hello! You’re not bowing this time? Ar-Are you coming? Okay. Nice. Her bodyguards are coming too though It’s hard to kill people when you have an escort Okay, uhm Out here?! But everyone’s gonna see I was supposed to clear out the yoga area, that’s why And then I could have done this and killed her, no problem But, nope! Now I have to do fucking yoga like a doof! Okay Let’s see what my yoga’s like Let’s do it all together! Everybody, hup! There we go, aww yeah Nice stretch Okay, I can’t get on the ground from where I am She’s not even looking! How you supposed to be able to do the moves We’re just two peas in a pod Lord of the dance Micheal Flatley! Agent 47 is beast He can drum, he can yoga *whispers* Balance Just, slap her on the back of the head *chuckle* Ohhhh This is nice! *posing* I’ma do it I actually have tried yoga before it’s really fucking hard It looks simple enough when you’re looking at it like this But trying to get all that balance and that strength all together Shit’s difficult, bro *zen music plays* No one’s watching I can just kill you right now Are we- Oh we’re actually moving more forward Oh ho ho If I keep doing this is she’s just gonna fall off Is she…? Please tell me she’s just gonna lose her balance and fall *laughing* That would be awesome! Awww I don’t want to have to push her A view to die for… She said the signal! *jack making hand signals* KA CAW! GO! ASSASSINS! *stuttering* I’m-I’m-I’ma just.. I’ma just I’ma just do it *laughs* Nothing happened! Nothing happened! I swear! See ya later! *laughs* Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! STOP SHOOTING ME!! AHHH *laughter* *inhales* Ok so I have to… clear out the area And then do that, but how Am I supposed to do that if her bodyguards follow me? I’LL FIGURE IT OUT! Oh God, I can turn the temperature in the sauna?! Is that gonna kill these dudes!? It said 140 degrees farenheit 150! 155! 155 degrees farenheit! What is that in Celcius? (It’s 68°C) A hell of a lot that’s what Are you guys gonna pass out and die? You’re allowed to leave, you know I triggered the fire alarm as well So they’re gonna know what’s up It’s gonna get hot in here They’re hearing a fire alarm They’re hearing a fire alarm They’re gonna think there’s a fire They’re gonna think there’s a fire And for some reason they’re not leaving They’re just standing in the heat *chuckle* Okay *bursts into laughter* That’s as much as your own fault as it is mine! You fucking idiots! Ooooh can I do the same for the other area? OOoooooh Okay! I need a wrench Where am I gonna get a wrench? Maintenance, that’s where Y-you doing okay there, bro? Yeah Y-you had the bad sushi, didn’t ya? Haha oh I’ve been there dude I-I’ll leave you alone, I’ll leave you in peace Poor guy He has the- He has the sushits That’s when you get shits from sushi That’s what I call it Oooh, Japanese toilet of the future! It just opens It’s just like, “Hey 47!” “Eeeehi! How are you doing?” [chuckle] Oh toilets that talk to you Oh Japan! “Morgue” [singing] This does not feel like a place Where Jack should be “Cannot blend in too suspicious” Yeah, ’cause I’m alive [laugh] [cough] I never thought my…my state of “alive-ness” would be the thing that sold me out I need- I need a wrench. Fellas! What are they doing?! Okay, i-if you could just give me a wrench I’d be out of your hair. No problem! I don’t think there’s anything in here… I’m okay. I’m still hidden. Shut up. Where am I now? “Morgue and Organ Storage”? These are not places I should be! I’m not qualified. “Stem Cell Controls”? I’m definitely not supposed to be here! AAH, you saw nothin’! (laugh) Oh God, oh shit. What?! Fuckin’- how are you guys everywhere? Even Batman isn’t this much everywhere! Where’d she go? Where’d she go? Lady! Lady! Get back here! Lady! Uhhhh…nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Bye! I’m gone! Fuckin’ help! HELP! They’re gonna shoot me! Ooooow! Oooww! Ow! Stop fuckin’ sticking to doors, 47, and run! Oooh, I don’t feel so good. I have several, well… I’m in the great, fuckin’… I’m in the right place for this, anyway, aren’t I? The morgue? (laughter) I joke to hide my real pain. Which is bulletholes! Aha! Mister Wrench! I got thee. Now I have to figure out how the hell I get back to that place I was just in. This place is a maze. Not a-ma-ZING. Just a maze. Uhm… (sigh). How- how did I get to the place that I was? That is the question of life that I have right now. ‘Cause I can’t go back the way I was ‘Cause I don’t have a disposable scrambler. Life’s problems. Alright, people! I’m turnin’ off the cold water. Hopefully this clears out the whole place. How are you guys gonna feel when there’s nothin’ but hot water and you’re all gonna burn to a crisp and die! I need to clear out you guys as well. It’s just…it’s- it’s heatin’ up in here! This is a hot place to be right now. Dude, get out before you burn your toes. That’s only 62 degrees, though. That’s not too bad. Hello! It’s- it’s a two-way mirror thing again. Stop lookin’ at yourself! (under breath) God dammit. You guys need to die. Everybody needs to die. And then I can do whatever the hell I want. Why are people not leaving? Leave, please! This place is on fire. Yeah, cold water’s turned off. You guys are merging together. (inhale) No! Get outta here in an orderly fashion! Okay, everyone cleared that area. So, now if I bring her out to do her yoga… I think I can kill her? But… I have to find her first. Aw, there’s some- I think there’s TWO people I have to kill. Whyyy? I don’t wanna kill two. Oh, there’s a dead guy in there (laughing) Oops Well, he’s not dead; he’s knocked out. But… Might as well be dead. Yuki! They won’t let me in! They said yoga people are not allowed! Are you gonna come out to me? Okay, I think she’s gonna come out. All I need to do is talk. If we can talk this out then everything’ll be fine. You want your yoga, right? I know you need your fix, girl. C’mon, tree pose with me! I know, you fuckin’ said it before, Diana. Shut up! Come on through. It’s time to yoga it up. Come on through! Thank you. Now we can close these. Are we alone now? (singing) I think we’re alone now. Well, her fuckin’ guard is right there. *gasp* He’s not lookin’, though! oooooOOOOOOooohhh! (bad Japanese accent) “Let us-u begin-uuu”. Time for more yoga! Y’all ready for this? Ahhh, stretch it out! (inhale) Oooooohhh! *fart noise* Here we go! It’s about to happen! I can just push her this time! (maniacal laughter) Nice! Can I kill her- her bodyguard dude right now? Hey, bro. Huh! Yessss…! Fuckin’ nice one, bruh! I’ma pick up my scissors ’cause that’s the most lethal weapon I have, apparently. I’ma dress up as you… aaaand I’ma drag you and jump you off the edge. Nice. Even though there’s another guy in there He’s just gonna realize who I am. He’s gonna be like: “Hey, you’re not Sebastion! Where’d he go?!” Wee! Off you go! Nice. Wait, I pushed her off… I thought I like, pushed her off the fuckin’ mountain. Not into a little, tiny pool of water. That’s stupid! Okay, look yourself in the mirror, look yourself in the mirror. Who’s…who’s- who’s the best? Who’s the best hitman? You got this. You got this. You’re a big, bald-headed, beautiful bastard You got this, okay? Who da man? YOU da man, that’s who! (exhale) Okay… Let’s go get a…a heart transplant…thing? There’s a dead motorcyclist! Can I disguise myself as him and then pretend to be a zombie? And scare the shit out of everybody? Oh, please tell me! No? (laughter) Okay, that’d be so funny. Please tell me that’s how it works! Boooooo! … BLEH! I’m a zombie! BleeEEehhh! No? Yeah, it’s called “Shut up and Die!” (laughter) Sweet. Now I can disguise myself as this guy. C’mon. C’mon. Drag his body. Yes. This actually worked out pretty fuckin’ well! Shut up! I-I-I… Shut up! I didn’t do anything! You guys… Fuck’s sake, they’re everywhere! In ya go, fella. That- that a boy. Just be happy you get- you get a nice fancy place to lie. All these other dudes, they have to lie on tables to be examined and everything. I could easily cut you up and make you into a cadaver. But, no. You’re gonna be with your bro… nice and warm in there. I like them. I- I ship them. Okay, now what do I need to do? “Pick up a cleaver”? What? No. What am I supposed to be doin’? “Key intel was lost.” Wasn’t supposed to kill you guys was i? God dammit. Oooohhhh… I has to just let them talk… Ooohhh okay. So… Yeah. Just let people talk! Don’t rush ahead and stab people in the face. Lessons for life. Got it. Learned my lesson. *gasp* I’m in a room. What do I do? Is that the thing? “Neural chip remote control”! *gasp* Ooh ooohhh! “Patient is out of range.” Okay! Nice! So he has a mood-altering chip in his head… that I can just go around and be like Be happy! Be sad! Be sexy! Aha! Could use one of those remotes in real life. This is gonna prove to be very interesting, but more importantly… Very funny (laughter). Okay, where is he? Well, hi! Hi, fellas! You don’t see nuttin’! Okay… You- you come back around. Doin’ the little table dance, There ya go. There ya go. Now I’ma just-a-simmy sham-a! A-shimm-a-shamm-a! A-shimm-a-shamm-a! My way this way. Okay. “Increase Medicine.” (chuckle) “Wait for him to enter the vault.” Okay. (laughter) Just increase, decrease. Increase, decrease. What am I supposed to do? How is he supposed to…? Okay…you fuckin’ weirdo. Imagine if that was real, though. If you just had a thing. A thing that let you… increase and decrease your mood like that. (fearful purring) I don’t wanna be spotted. I need to go this way. I need to go back around this way. Shut up. Am I supposed to kill you now? Uh…yeaaahhhuuuhhhh… I dunno. I dunno. The heart that I need to get is right there. Am I fuckin’ things up? I think I might have. Ooooh. Open. “Destroy Heart”! Ewww! Nice shoot, though. Niiice! Sweet! I did it! I like how I did it without actually doing it I did it by, like… default, just by… Just- just by not actually doing anything I killed him. That was awesome! I’m not supposed to be up here. I need to get down there to the helipad. Screw the helipad, I’m gettin’ on my friend’s fuckin’ snowmobiles over there! Those guys are awesome! I love them! This is where I was before… Yes! I’m so close, mamma! I’m so close I can taste it! I like how the music builds up, it makes me feel like a bad ass- like a hero! (chanting) Jackie! Jackie! Get on. Hop on! (singing) Home free! (singing) As free as the wind blows! Yes! I did it! Ow! That was awesome! Okay! Well, that does it for this episode of Hitman That was the last episode of this HItman game. Um, so all the episodes are out by now Um, you can go off and play them and th entire story is there now. Very, very good Hitman game. I-I was very surprised by this, because Again, this is the one that had to reclaim what Hitman was. The other was was “[Hitman] Absolution” and people were a bit wary of that it was a bit too story driven, and too linear, and too forcing your hand to do certain things. It wasn’t a bad game, it was just a crappy Hitman game. So, this one has really re-claimed the throne. This is one of the best Hitman games. This is right up there with “[Hitman:] Blood Money”, in my regards. I still like the older ones better, but that’s probably because I’m remembering them better. I probably have, sort of, “nostalgia glasses” on when I Iook back at those compared to what this is. But, very, very strong game. I love this. It’s awesome. Big, huge open maps, lots of ways to be able to go around and do your missions Lot’s of things to see, very, like, nice detailed maps and everything. Very cool. I’m gonna go back and do some more of the other levels, just in my own spare time. And I might do some more videos on it, here and there, anyway If I see anything cool or if I see any ideas or anything like that because it’s a very good game. And I wanna play more of it. But for now… Thank you guys, so much for watchin’ this epsidode If you liked, it… PUNCH that “Like” button in the face… LIKE A BOSS! And high fives all around *slap! slap!* But, thank you guys and I will see all you dudes… IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!! I went through so many jobs in this game. I was, like, every occupation.